It’s midnight and you just want some tequila but there’s nothing in your fridge. Well, ok, the tequila is in there, but there’s nothing to cut it with. No ice in the freezer. No juice in the fridge. The lack of tequila-cutting agents is so strong there’s an outline of a nonexistent orange juice container sitting in the fridge instead, burning your retina like an afterimage. So you think to yourself, what can I do. What can I, one lowly woman in a slanty-floored coach house, do. You open the freezer again. And you realize: frozen mango chunks. YES. So you puree these chunks of orange, which are so old they are covered in icefur and you watch them grind grind grind in your smoothie maker. And then you realize: water. YES. You need to add water. So you add enough water that the grinding stops and the mango becomes liquified. But when you pour out the mixture, you realize: It’s gross. Far too gross to drink. NO. It is texture only, with no taste at all other than a very faint tang of mango. And then you realize: orange freezie pops. YES. You have orange freezie pops in the freezer too. So you drop in some orange freezie pops and grind it up as well. And it’s delicious. Frighteningly delicious. Though chunky. You add tequila. And present it to your boyfriend. Who points out that it’s very chunky with mango pieces and orange freezie pop pieces. So together you strain it through a strainer and into a glass. And you drink it. And it’s even more delicious than before. No one would ever know it was made from year-old tasteless mango chunks and an orange freezie pop. YES.