right now i am

listening to heavy metal on my ‘kick out the jams’ cd from dr. c, going to rehearsal tonight, almost didn’t have the key to the rehearsal space, am i going to be bankrupt before the age of 26? maybe we all need some cookies. eliina just told me the story of how (when she was living in massachusetts) some 10 friends came over for a late-night visit and ate all the cookies she’d just made. and then one of them named bruce left her a note that said ‘thanks for the cookies.’ henry the dog is sitting between eliina’s legs while she stands at the counter making rhubarb crisp, like she is a shelter. henry cracks me up. deanna emailed me yesterday, i haven’t even heard her written words in too too long, and she is making me think of summer. there are chairs in the backyard here that will be good for summer breezy evenings with illicit bottles of wine. the rhubarb crisp is in the oven, almost done; we are almost done with school now, 26 days and counting, but i think i should stop counting and just let them flow by and take them like planes flying overhead. ‘i got a six-pack and nothin’ to do,’ the song says — heavy metal, who knew?

i am taking a writing class now, and i was a goth girl learning to breathe fire in one short story, and when we performed them i actually felt the goth girl vibe – i remember them, do you? from high school? when black nail polish and gelled black hair and oversized nine inch nails t-shirts would actually fly? is that still the attire of choice? i would like to go back in time and try out the goth girl persona, because i was writing tortured teenage poetry without actually appearing so violent and angst-ridden on the outside, via my striped turtlenecks. actually, we all were, deedle, bethy and i, all balls of angst and torture in our own ways, weren’t we? i’m so drawn back to that time still, still trying to work through the growing pains that landed me here somehow at this age. i once found an article that said adulthood began at 26, and i was so relieved because hell, i was only 22. now it’s creeping up. and what have we learned, kids? well. am unsure. 10 minutes until rhubarb crisp.

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