Fault/no fault

Lately I’m struggling with how to take or not take responsibility for things. On the one hand, I evade responsibility whenever possible and come up with excuse upon excuse for why x,y,z did not work out. On the other hand, I heap responsibility upon myself for when x,y,z did not work out. I think I’ve just discovered the difference. When I come up with excuses, it’s for concrete things I did not _do_. When I heap on responsibility, it’s for things that I intrinsically _am_. Apparently I give short shrift to my own agency (helpless helpless) and put extra weight on my own character flaws. Beautiful. So if I didn’t do my attendance records right, damn, that’s because I wasn’t trained or didn’t have my book, or the spawn of the devil was running around like crazy and who can keep a record of that kid? But if a relationship took a nosedive, it’s because I’m needy, depressive, un-fun and inflexible. Yup. Perfect sense.

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