fake-ass grades from fake-ass teachers

I just spent an hour inventing grades for our students with my three other co-teachers. We literally sat there and went down the column of names, “4, 3, 4, 4, 2, 3,”…. for the four different subject areas…. then we averaged in their test scores (conveniently curved so that a 60 was a B), dropped the midterm grade entirely and fiddled with the spreadsheet so that each kid had grades that were slightly different for each area and sounded really official, like 2.886667 and 3.56777. These grades will be given to our faculty advisor, who will then pass them or fail them. 3 or 4 is passing. We passed all except three of the 27 kids. However, only 52% of the kids actually passed the final exam.
Our joke, which seemed gut-bustingly hysterical on little sleep:
Because TFA wants us to have 80% mastery, we have 33% to go. Two days remain. There are 8 instructional hours in those days. That works out to be 4.1% mastery per hour.

I’m not really conveying the hilarity of this situation, here. We sat there and MADE UP grades for these kids. WE MADE THEM UP. WE INVENTED THEM. FAKE! FAKE!!! They were based vaguely on their work, but the thing is, we sucked as teachers, and felt it totally ridiculous to give them grades based on our performance as teachers. So we graded them on an intuitive scale, with a handful of actual numbers gleaned from actual assignments, and a lot of fuzzy math.

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