Dad has an announcement

My dad called last weekend. Immediately I was suspicious.

I haven’t asked him to mail anything, pay anything or fix anything. Why is he calling?

We just chatted for a few minutes about how I was doing.

He sounds so happy. Something is amiss.

So I asked how things were going with him.

“Your mother and I got a tree,” he said, as though announcing that they’d got a puppy.

A Christmas tree? Hmm. Strange! The tree will be dead by Christmas, for sure. Unless they’ve gotten some new-fangled long-lasting preservative-filled tree.

“And it comes in three pieces.”

Ah ha! Artificial! I should have known they would do something so devious when I was far away in Chicago and unable to stop them!

“It was on sale!” he said. “And the lights are already attached!”

I think he was actually calling from the store. I could hear crowd noise.

For years, I have relentlessly blocked all movements towards a Muscato family artificial tree. In fact, I was the original instigator of the live tree movement, back in 1988, when I refused to help put together our scruffy artificial one anymore. But he was right. We’d started just going to Home Depot to pick out a tree, which was actually even more pathetic.

And my dad has been looking forward to this for a long time. So. I am going to be mature and accept this. Hopefully.

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