El driver, on a northbound Red Line train at Thorndale:
-Attention passengers. There is no southbound service at this station. You must board this northbound train and catch a southbound train at Loyola.
[Pause, a few people board.]
-Southbound passengers, hel-llllo? You must board a northbound train to Loyola and then go south.
[Pause, more people board.]
-Attention attention! Passengers on the platform waiting for a southbound train. You must board this northbound train.
[Some people remain obliviously on the southbound platform. Doors close. Train chugs forward.]
-I tried to tell ’em.
[Entire car cracks up.]
One stop later, where I live, at Granville:
-ATTENTION PASSENGERS GOING SOUTHBOUND. THERE IS NO SOUTHBOUND SERVICE AT THIS STATION. YOU MUST GO NORTH TO LOYOLA AND CATCH A SOUTHBOUND TRAIN.
[Pause. Everyone boards except one man.]
-EXCUSE ME, SIR? YOU IN THE BLACK COAT.
-SIR IN THE BLACK COAT, TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE…
-SIR THERE IS NO SOUTHBOUND SERVICE AT THIS STATION. YOU MUST BOARD THIS TRAIN.
[Amanda and I exit the train. Man in the black coat keeps talking on the cell phone, obliviously. I wonder what it’s like to have a public announcement aimed directly at you.]