teeth are out, i am bac k at home. i don’t remember much. sarah, who was my designated chaperone home, tells me that they tried to schedule a follow-up appointment with me while i was still waking up from the anesthetic. when the nurse said, “how about thursday at 2pm?” i apparently just threw up my hands in the “i dunno” position. here she details our cab ride home, which left something to be desired, from a nauseated girl’s perspective. my cab driver on the way to the surgery said i was beautiful. perhaps this is the true meaning of death cab for cutie. ha.

sarah is my angel o’ the day, by the way. she is very patient when i tell her that i need things, like dancers to keep me entertained. maybe she could just sing say, say, say. things now are woozy but npt deathly bad. that’s why they have drugs i suppose. my mom sent me a video (life as a house) which i will watch. i don’t know why she sent it, other than that i’m prone to tearing things down in order to build them again.

hence the impending move to chicgao. which i am still slightly wavery about, only because, well, it is changing my entire way of life from top to bottom. that’s fine. that’s fine. i keep picturing what it would be like to walk into my boss’s office and tell him i chancged my mind. but i feel like my reasons for wanting to leave still stand. 1) i have been there for two years. 2) two years is a long time when there is much else to explore. 3) i love the components of my job — i sort of have to, the position was created for me, but i would like to know what other jobs are like and get some experience in them. because eventually i will have to take a such a job. so why not now? it sort of reminds me (ok this is cheesy but whatever) of when harrry met sally, how he he runs into the party at the end and says that when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want to rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

i guess for me it was the opposite. i realized where i didn’t want to be for the rest of my life. basically because d.c. and me, we ain’t meant to be. not right now, anyway. maybe someday i shall return, when i have a career or family-based reason. for now, i could be anywhere. and there are a lot of anywheres out there.

i sound so sure now, don’t i? drugs. it’s the drugs.

to top it all off, i am sitting here with an earl gray teabag string hanging out of my mouth. i am steeped, baby.

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