Dear Northern Virginia,

What the hell. Today it was raining. I just wanted to go to the grocery store. I had to drag a little old-lady cart through sidewalk-less streets, while shiny new cars zipped past me. In the rain. When I got to the grocery store, it was jammed. Half of the people in the store could’ve stayed home, because they were couples. Here is a transcript of an actual conversation, between two white young professional types in their J-Crew weekend wear. They stand seven feet apart. One is looking over the frozen strawberries, another is looking at the dairy case.

Female: Honey, what about the butter?
Male: Oh… yeah!
Female: Salted or unsalted?
Male: Unsalted!
Female: What else do we need…. Wine! And did you get milk?
Male: Uh… no!

Thank God they have each other.

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