lindsayliveshere.org

This disguise is made of feathers

I’m envisioning a black-and-white movie where the female lead keeps switching hats and pretending to be other people. She slinks into the dinner party in her wide-brimmed feathery hat… (gathers intel, samples a deviled egg); she slips on a jaunty satin cap and collects secrets at a speakeasy… (tiny notebook, tiny pencil, swig of gin). Everyone is fooled.

I’m not sure if this movie exists. Maybe it’s actually just my brain’s visualization of the phrase “wearing many hats”. Either way. When I think about my mental state, I think of this idea. Lots of people with all their different needs; I’m fitting in, blending into the wallpaper — and maybe the subterfuge isn’t against the Russians, it’s against my sanity.