lindsayliveshere.org

Waiting in the wings

So I was feeling like doom and death these past few days, due to a hearty throat infection, fever, cough/cold combo. However, despite this, I decided to go to a “callback” audition for an improv show based (somehow, don’t ask me how) on the theme of Dungeons & Dragons. This callback occurred at 10:15pm last night. What? Why do I do these things to myself? The good thing was that I really enjoyed the people around me. The bad… was… sucking at the audition. I keep running into myself, a glass wall that I continually forget about and knock against like a confused bird. I am not naturally good at improv, at all. Some people have natural traits that astound, amaze; they are magic in their element. Me? Some days I can barely step onstage, because it means declaring something, making a movement, rocking the boat and maybe sloshing the rations out of the canoe, and sometimes I can’t bring myself to do it.

A very similar phenomenon occurs in my teaching. I don’t make any changes to the mediocre/suckiness because I am afraid that the new thing will actually, somehow, be worse than what already exists.

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Also, just to continue with the self-indulgent self-analysis, I am doing a paper on ADHD for grad school. This is me.